Nosebleed

There you are, resting your head on her chest
both of you knowing that it's not okay
there's nothing you can do about it
you realize it's irrational
you realize it's pointless
you realize it was meaningless
but you can't let go
it's not something you ever think about
but it's always there
not much can bring this out in you
but tonight, she has

there you are, resting your head on her chest
thinking
trying to control your emotions
realizing that it's not going to go away
you know the problem, you can feel the answer
but it wont come
it will never come

there you she is, looking up at you
she asks you, "is everything alright?" knowing that it isn't
she knows what's wrong, she always knows
she hears you ask for a moment
she waits as the moment passes, then another and another
you turn and roll off top of her

there you are, laying at her side facing the wall
you look at the rippled paint, you look at that crack
every now and again you look at the bed sheet clenched in your fist
you're still searching for the answer, the thing that will end all this
you'll never find it
it doesn’t want to be found

there you are, speaking softly
you're trying to explain your problem
you're trying to explain your situation
you're trying to explain "it"
you want her to know what plagues you
you want her to make it better
but she wont
she can't

there she is, listening
listening to you and your problems
trying to understand what's going through your head
trying to understand why you're like this
she wonders, "why can't you let it go? why must it be like this?"
she knows these questions are in vain
she knows you and more importantly, your past

there you are, desperately searching
searching for that thing, the thing that will cure all
you jump from point to point in your mind
you franticly search for the answer
every time this happens you do this, every time
you know it's a pointless search
you know it's futile

there you are, you've got something
you've hit some nerve inside if you
this is it, it makes so much sense now
it's all that you need
then, you realize something
the answer will hurt
it will hurt her
it will hurt everything

there she is, listening to you
she has to hold her breath to hear your slow, whispering voice
she looks at you, you're still not looking at her
she wonders if you're asleep at times because you hesitate so much
all of a sudden, she hears "it"
she cries

there you are, laying next to her and her tears
she has turned away
she is looking in the other direction
hesitating, you ask her what her thoughts are
she's not responding
she's only crying

there she is, grappling with something
she's trying harder than she ever has in her life
she's reaching deep inside trying to see what this means
she's asking herself, is she strong enough for this?
are "we" strong enough for this?
she whispers to you, softer than ever before
"do you really need this? isn't there something else... another way?"
she waits... nothing
she tells you, "then this is something I have owed you for a while. You can have it"

there you are, staring at the ceiling
your mind, blank
you wonder, will this fix everything?
will it be enough?
will it put an end to this desperation?

slowly it comes, creeping into your mind
it enters from the back, the thickest haze in your head
it brings something, something terrible
it's the real answer, and it brings the end
your "answer" from before was a ploy, a deceitful tactic to lure her
this answer is pure malice, pure spite
this answer is the one that you think will solve everything
this answer is one that will solve nothing

there you are, hating yourself
you lay there, looking at her back, listening to her choke back sobs
you can see her pain, you can feel her hurt
you realize that she's broken and you broke her
you understand that you have complete control over her, that's why it's so easy
you know it's wrong, you know it's awful
you don't stop
you say the words

there she is, dying
hearing you say those words
they rip her apart, they tear at every part of her
she understands now, it's as clear as ever
she knew it was there, and knew that you knew it was there
she was dreading this moment
it's too much for her, she needs to get out
you're too much for her, she needs to get away... from you
silently, she gets up to get dressed

there you are, numb
you've seen your "answer"
you've extracted your revenge
you wanted to see her torn and you did
you think, "it's only fair, isn't it?"
she did this to you so many times, now you've done it to her
you think, "we're even now"
then you think, "why don't I feel better"
you realize, this hasn't helped anything

there you are, distraught
you know what you've done
you know who you've hurt
how could you have done this?
it was her, she's the one you loved
yet, you tried to break her... and maybe you did
you reach for her, she's out of arm's length
you plead for her to come back to bed, to spend the night
you can't let her go, you don't want to

there she is, looking at the floor
she has dressed now, gathered all her clothes
she knows what this means but she doesn't know what you meant by it
she hears your words, your apologies
but she fears them and she fears you
she feels nothing and yet, she feels everything
she asks you, "why?"

there you are, hearing her words
you fight, you know you've wronged her but it your mind it was justified
she never takes responsibility when she does this to you and yet, she wants you to take some now?
you see the hypocrisy of it all and follow that hoping to win the argument
you bring up things that only cause more pain, she does the same
you argue with her about everything between you two
you fight dirty and so does she
time slows down
time passes by so quickly

there it is, the room
it's nothing special, a simple bed room
it has nothing special in, just a boy's belongings
there are two people in it, they are fighting
their words, oddly enough, are soft and carefully chosen
there have been many fights here, not between these two but between others
today, one of those people will leave this room and may never return

there you are, in your final moments
you realize the damage that has been done
you realize you can not control this one, not this time
you hate her and everything that has been "done" to you
you wish it was over and it very well maybe
you wait for those final words and realize it will come
the words, they will come but only in the form of silence

there she is, looking at you
she's full of anger, she's full of hate
she's confused, "how could you do this to her? this is not like you"
she now has proof, you are not the man she wished you were
she wants to go, and she will
she wont let you walk her to her car
she wont let you say goodbye and have that final kiss you want so bad

there you are, alone in your head
you know it's all wrong, you know it's all your fault
your intentions were to hurt the girl that had wronged you
but not this girl... this one you love
you ask her one more time to stay, not for the night... for forever
it's all clear to you now, it's so painfully clear
you look at the ground, drained of everything
she's done so much for you
and you, so little for her
she takes her leave, your whole body feels torn

it's about to happen, something that hasn't happened in a long time
it's something that's so trivial and so meaningful all in one moment
you can't understand why it will happen, no one has touched you and no you have touched nothing
dear God, what have I done?
dear God, let me take this back
dear God, all I want is her... she means so much
God doesn't answer, he never does
you sit on the edge of your bed, staring at the floor and weep



then it happens...
your nose starts to bleed.